Some things aren’t easy to talk about, at least for me. My miscarriages is one of those things. If there was one word to describe how I feel about talking about miscarriage it would be, awkward. I don’t know why, but it seems like when you bring it up in conversation people get really awkward. So you don’t talk about it. Well is that really the best way to heal? I don’t think so. I know we all heal differently, but keeping your feelings and emotions all bottled up inside about something that can so deeply affect your life is never a good thing. Why is it so awkward then? Why do we make it awkward? Why can’t it be a regular part of conversation? Yes it’s personal, but aren’t most things that affect us so much? It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be able to talk about it.
The commonly quoted miscarriage rate is 1 in 4. Are you 1 in 4? I did a poll on my Instagram and 48% voted that they are 1 in 4. That’s more like 1 in 2. So why is is still so awkward to talk about? Or is it just me?
I’m not going to go into my miscarriages, but since October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month I wanted to share some resources with those who might need them more then ever right now. I am by no means an expert in this area, AT ALL, but I have had some experience and if I can help make one momma’s heartbreak just a little bit less then it’s worth it to share.
Although my experience has been miscarriage, I am sure the resources below would be helpful for those who have experiences other types of infant loss.
“Each year thousands of families across Canada mourn the death of their babies. In 2011 1,810 infants died within the first year after birth and 2,818 babies were stillborn. Parents get isolated in their grief and the stigma around the death of children prevents society from speaking about the devastating effects on parents and their families.” Read more at http://www.october15.ca
Resources for Coping with Miscarriage
1. Friends & Family
I know many people don’t reveal their pregnancy status until after the first trimester for fear of miscarriage, but that’s often when we need people the most. I get it, you don’t want to share it with the Facebook world, but I do encourage you to tell your key people. The people who will be there for you when you need them and the people that will help get you through it. Sometimes I takes one person, sometimes it takes a few, but I think it’s super important to have someone to talk to who knows you. If you don’t have a person, don’t worry, there are definitely other resources available.
2. Healthcare Providers
This could be a variety of disciplines including Family Doctors, Specialists, Natural Path Doctor, Acupuncture, Massage Therapy, Traditional Chinese Medicine, Health Nurse, Midwife, Doula, etc. Whoever you see, my advice is to advocate for yourself as best you can and not to give up. If you don’t think you are receiving the best care, then go somewhere else, just don’t give up. Also, if you don’t feel that you’re able to advocate for yourself then ask someone to go to your appointments with you to help you. I know this is harder then it sounds, at least for me it is.
Books have helped me. I have done a lot of reading and I have used both our local Public Library and the local Pregnancy Outreach Program’s Library. The internet is overwhelming with all the answers, but no answers at the same time and sometimes it just feels good to curl up with a book. Whether it’s a feel good book just to take your mind off things or a book for better understanding fertility, there are so many options out there. Here’s a few links to to get your started. I highly recommend “Taking Charge of your Fertility,” if you are charting your temperature and/or interested in learning more about fertility.
4. Facebook Support Groups
I haven’t joined any myself so I really can’t recommend any specific groups, but I know there’s a Facebook group for all different things! With not too much searching I’m sure you could find one. If you recommend any please let me know so I can update this post for other people who are looking!
5. Pregnancy Outreach Program
When I moved to BC I had heard people mention POP, the Pregnancy Outreach Program here in Smithers, but I really didn’t know what it was about. I actually thought it was a low income type of service, but it is not like that at all. They are the loveliest people and are so welcoming to everyone. They have books, offer an ear for listening, have a dietician available and have many other resources for caregivers of new babies. For me it has been nice to pop in a few times and just know that the resource is available. Many communicates in BC have a POP’s, I’m not sure about the rest of Canada. Does anyone else know?
6. Self Care
More then ever, this is a time to take care of yourself. Whatever it takes to make that happen, do it. My husband has had to be off work and I have had family stay with me and it is always much needed. Having to care for another child while miscarrying is also very hard. Ask for help because you need it.
Whatever your favourite self care things are, this is the time. Take an extra bath, meditate, yoga, get those oils going, put that face mask on, go to the salon, whatever makes you feel good just do it. No exceptions. I’ve done some of my best shopping following a miscarriage. Haha. Seriously though, if it makes you happy to buy something for yourself then just buy it. I mean, don’t break the bank, but if you can make it happen then I say, make it happen! One of my first blog posts was about self care. You can check it out HERE.
If looking at flowers all day is going to make you happy or at least smile a little bit, then buy the flowers!
7. Honour through Rituals
Honouring loss through a ritual can be very healing for some people. A ritual can be whatever you choose and has small or big as you want. Maybe it is as simple as lighting a candle or a gathering with family and friends. Here’s a few ritual ideas that might appeal to you: ceremony, art, prayer, meals, candle lighting, jewelry, writing a poem or song, planting something or writing a letter to your baby. Do whatever you need to deal. That looks different for everyone.
8. Rainbow Baby
I didn’t know this term until my first miscarriage. A “rainbow baby” is a baby that is born after a miscarriage, still birth, neonatal death or infant loss. In real life, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of things getting better. The rainbow is more appreciated having just experienced the storm in comparison. The thought of a rainbow baby has given me hope and I have enjoyed searching all the super fun rainbow baby ideas.
The rainbow photo shown above is a very special one for me. I took the photo in Saskatchewan just up the street for our old house <3
You may feel very alone, but please know that you aren’t. You may think dealing with it yourself is best, but please know there are resources. Don’t feel ashamed to use them.
I’d love to hear of any other resources that you know about for coping with miscarriage.
This post is NOT sponsored, but may contain affiliate links. The opinions and photos are of Sew Bright Creations’.
Want to collaborate? Email Jackie at email@example.com.